Starting Anew!

"Happy are those who dream dreams...and are ready to pay the price to make them come true"
My father (AKA Papalardo) said this to me the other day while enjoying beers at his favorite hangout, The Yardhouse... To appreciate this quote, you have to first understand my Papalardo. Growing up, Papalardo was always ranting, "make money" this, and "marry rich", that. His best advice, when he gave it, was to make enough money, either through a successful career or via marriage, to survive 'easily'. It really used to boil my blood when he gave me advice such as this. I think I strived to do the exact opposite just to prove him that money didn't breed happiness such as he believed.
It's easy to understand, though, why Papalardo would have valued these things above others. He had struggled his whole teenage life to be the next Picasso only to become a college dropout with more kids than he had hands. When he was a teenager, Papalardo won a full scholarship to the best art school in the world, which, just so happened to be in London. Now, I wasn't alive during this time, but the story, as I have heard it, is that his parents were anxious about his traveling abroad alone at such a young age, so they moved the whole family from Texas to Arizona so that he may attend his second art school of choice, ASU. By his junior year of college, his girlfriend turned out to be pregnant. He dropped out of college to work immediately and they were consequently married. Over the next few years, although they struggled immensely, they managed to pop out three more children, including myself.
I think one day my Father woke up and was 30 with more offspring and responsibilities than he knew what to do with, more bills than he had money to pay them, and a wife who likely was losing her mind. Needless to say he was living on a edge that didn't take long to disintegrate. Now, Papalardo has four kids under his roof all below the age of ten, again. Yes, I mean NOW, as in, today. Once again, my Father has shelved his hopes and dreams for the nourishment and preparation of others'. He has not had the opportunity to dream his own big since he was 19 years old. To dream the way a child can dream; without boundaries and without limitations. That is an invaluable privilege that words cannot give proper meaning.
Dreaming was not something he promoted vigorously in the past. So, sitting at The Yardhouse and hearing my father recite this quote, I began to tear up. Could this be the same man I remember from my teenage years? Despite everything that my father has endured, is continuously enduring now, he has managed to hold on to the one thing that gives us hope; dreams. He says he dreams big still, everyday. I can remember a time clearly when I would not have believed that. I can remember a time, in my own life, where dreaming had become a difficult feat. Life can be tough. It can be strange, and inconvenient, and unpredictable. "It's the journey", Papalardo went on to say that night; "It's the journey that you remember, and it's the journey that makes you who you are".
Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of being a writer. I used to sit in my front yard and pretend to read to a room full of people a book that was all my own. Somehow over the past few years, I have lost sight of those dreams. I found myself making plans for grad school in an industry that I knew I really wouldn't like, and applying for mediocre jobs that I knew would never leave me fulfilled. Why was I steering myself directly away from that which I wanted most? What was I running from? The truth is that writing doesn't scare me, but failing at it does. Failing at my dream scares me more than anything in the world. But, Papalardo is right. Failing shouldn't scare me, but rather the failure to try. That should be what I am most afraid of.
So, here it is: The Krissie Tate Show! I am going to fill this blog with my thoughts and words and hopefully, just hopefully, my dreams will manifest into something tangible.